I remember...

I remember waking up on Thursday, April 3, with butterflies in my stomach. I remember trying to savor those last moments of feeling my unborn daughter tumble around inside of me, only dreaming of holding her in, what I thought, a few short hours. I remember the drive to the hospital was kind of quiet, we were both so nervous. I remember arriving at the hospital, in the rain, it was still dark. I remember walking into our assigned birthing room, the nurse handed me my gown, and told me put on the gown. I knew it was real then. I remember hearing Clay chatting with our nurse like her knew her, and thought, oh dear, she’s gonna see me in all my glory. But, then came back to my senses and thought if they know each other, she’s going to take good care of us! I remember coming out of the bathroom, getting in the bed, going over all the typical medical questions and prepping for the day ahead.

I remember my family coming early, hoping for a quick delivery. Boy, did Reese have other things in mind! I remember getting my IV, then the pitocin, and having mixed emotions about feeling the contractions. More like scared out of my mind to feel the contractions. I remember around mid-morning, the Dr. Barnes came in to break my water and told me that should get things started. Oh no! I immediately paged my nurse for the epidural and the anesthesiologist was there within 10 minutes. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and the doctor asking me to lean over as far as I could. I remember thinking he’s crazy, I’m 9 months pregnant and can’t lean over very far. I remember leaning on Clay and the nurse, Kelly, for support. I remember how weird it felt getting the epidural, but thankful to have the option. I remember feeling the contractions on my left side. I remember them giving me more of ‘the good stuff’.

I remember Kelly checking me every hour or so and I progressed to about 5 cm pretty quickly but kind of stalled after that. I remember the nurse telling me to rest, but who can rest at a time like this? I remember my family coming in and out all afternoon, just waiting on good news. I remember being so ready to hold my sweet baby girl, thinking this was taking forever.

I remember around 6pm I was 10 cm and ready to push. I remember being scared out of my mind. I remember pushing and pushing and pushing. I remember Kelly telling me I was going to get a permanent wrinkle in my forehead from pushing so hard. I remember my sweet nurse, Kelly going home for the day. Still no baby. I remember getting a new nurse. I remember her being just as sweet and encouraging as Kelly. I remember pushing and getting word that she was ‘almost there’ only for her to move back up when I stopped pushing. I remember the nurse calling the doctor concerned about Reese’s heart rate going down while I was pushing, their solution was an oxygen mask. I remember the mask making my face so sweaty. I remember that helping my sweet baby’s heartrate so at that point a c-section was not needed.

I remember pushing for 2.5 hours. Tired and worn out. I remember telling Clay I couldn’t do it anymore. I remember both he and the nurse being my biggest cheerleaders and cheering me on. I remember I kept on pushing. I remember at 9:00, Dr. Barnes was called and he said I needed to push for 45 more minutes and then he would be there with the vacuum. I remember 45 minutes passed. Still no baby. I remember hearing the news that Reese was ‘sunny side up’ and that’s why she wasn’t coming out easily. I remember Dr. Barnes coming in with a smile on his face, ready to get this baby girl out! I remember being ready, too.

I remember after a few pushes, the miracle vacuum, and a big cry, Reese Taryn Vanzant was born. I DON’T remember the doctor placing her on my chest because I fell asleep. I remember waking up to Reese’s cries a few minutes later. I remember seeing her on the table a few feet away. I remember asking Clay if she was a girl and if she was okay. I remember the answer to both of those being yes. I remember the nurses wrapping her up like a burrito and handing her to me. I remember being so overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions seeing my baby girl for the first time. I remember thinking she looks just like her daddy.

I remember Dr. Barnes leading the nurses in “Happy Birthday to You” and not hearing any of it because I was looking into my baby’s eyes. I remember asking if someone had told my family she was finally here, and Dr. Barnes telling me that I could tell them myself in a few minutes. I remember Dr. Barnes leaving the room to get my family. I remember the door opening with 25-30 people walking through the door. I remember feeling overwhelmed but so happy to see everyone and to show off my miracle.

I remember, but can’t describe it, how it finally felt to be a mommy. I remember wanting to be a mommy my whole life and how satisfying it was to finally hold the title ‘mommy’.

I remember a year full of surprises and firsts and a year that went by way too fast.

Happy Birthday, my dear sweet Reese.