Written from the heart...

I've had a lot on my heart lately, and I feel like it's finally time to share it. So here goes,...you can either ignore the post or read it and give me some insight. I'd prefer the latter - to know that I'm not alone!

For the last 6 weeks our Sunday School class joined with another class of young married couples and we split up: men and women. We started a very intimate series on making our marriages stronger, our love for each other deeper, and most importantly our lives Christ-centered. I have enjoyed this time and look forward to Sunday School each week. I know that Clay would say the very same thing. Each week was a new topic but the ones that spoke to ME the most were Submission and Respect. Submission builds confidence in a husband. A big wake-up call happened to me here recently at my parent’s house when we were over there for dinner one evening. And probably, no one else even noticed it, but a family member made a remark after listening to a conversation between Clay and I – “I see who wears the pants in that family.” And no, they weren’t talking about Clay. Whoa, as I sit here and think about that remark, I almost blush. I’ll leave that subject with a principle I need to have at the forefront of my mind EVERY DAY :
“In order for a husband to successfully lead, he must have a wife who willingly submits to his leadership.”
Respect can come in all forms and the one that I have the most difficult time with is verbally. No, no I’m not a verbally abusive wife, I just don’t always say things in the nicest manner. Remember growing up your mom used to always say, “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”. She was SO right! I’ve really got to work on my tone of voice – and no, it’s not all the time. As I look back on the last few days, my tone got ugly at stressful, tiring points of the day.

Our life changed drastically on April 3, 2008, when our Reese Taryn was born. Our world started revolving around that sweet baby and her needs. And still does. Clay and I had almost 3 years 'to ourselves' before having to think of someone else. Regardless of the fact that we now had a child to care for, we were still married. Our marriage still needed to be a priority, even when there was a hungry mouth to feed, bottles to wash, clothes to fold, food to cook, and a messy house to clean. There were days that 'being married' probably didn't even cross my mind and probably the only reason was the diamond ring on my left finger or that someone else was staying in my house, sleeping in my bed. One thing we learned over the last 6 weeks, was that our relationship with God should be number ONE, relationship with our husband/wife number TWO, and our children were number THREE. How many times to I put Reese in front of Clay, or even God - many, many, many times. It's so easy - children are so needy. (And my Reese is particularly high-maintenance - of course, she's mine and her father's child and I love her for it! :)) I am really examining my life and my priorities, and to be honest with you, they're not where they should be. At all.

I will have to say Clay is a better spouse than I am. He is such an amazing husband to me and father to Reese. I realize that I never compliment him and very rarely say 'thank you' for the things he does so selflessly for our family. I commend Clay for how much he puts up with - my selfish attitude, my demanding ways (when I get stressed, I tend to be 'bossy'), and my tone of voice when speaking to him (sometimes I treated him like my 3rd graders and he very quickly pointed out he wasn't 10 years old...). Boy, do I have some things to work on. Marriage is hard work. Period. But, it's is also the most wonderful thing :)

I really don’t even know where this post was going or even it if made any sense to anyone. But, it was written from my heart. There are a lot of things in my life that have been put into perspective lately and a lot of things that I need to work harder at. I know I can’t do it alone and the Lord is ALWAYS there to pick me up when I fail.